The Green Eyed Monster
by La Pamplemousse
Summary: Norrington tries to make Elizabeth jealous by pretending to be engaged to another woman. Sadly, that woman happens to be Anamaria. That, and Jack keeps showing up on Norrington's windowsill for no good reason...
1. The Plan

Disclaimer: No pirates, no commodores, I'm a very unhappy person… I wish I were Disney…

"As I hear, she said 'No'! And here is the best part, Olivia: She's getting married to Will Turner! That funny little blacksmith!"

"No! Really?"

"Heard it straight from my husband."

"Oh, the poor Commodore... He must feel like an absolute fool."

"Well, Olivia, it's not my place to say, but it seems as though he's now Port Royal's most eligible bachelor..."

"It's really too bad we're already married, Charlotte, hm?"

Commodore James Norrington sat in his study, currently engaged in a staring contest with a rather large bottle of brandy.

In his mind, he was weighing his options.

Pro: If I get drunk off my arse, then I won't have to feel bad until tomorrow. Con: But if I do, I'll have a hangover. Pro: The hangover might distract me from my broken heart over Elizabeth. Con: ELIZABETH!!!

He began smashing his head on his mahogany desk, rattling the brandy.

"Oh yes, you're so innocent, you bottle of brandy…" Norrington snarled. "Well, I can see past your tricks! You WANT me to drink you, you WANT me to have a bloody hangover tomorrow, you'd like that very, very much…"

He shrugged.

"Well, I wouldn't want to be rude."

He poured himself a glass.

The next morning, Norrington awoke on the floor. With a hangover.

"Blast that bloody beguiling brandy… damnable dirty disgusting drink… she sells seashells on the seashore…"

"That's very good, d'ye know any others, mate?"

Norrington jumped and stared. Sitting on the windowsill, smiling broadly, was Jack Sparrow.

"What are YOU doing here?"

"Sayin' hello."

Norrington considered this. "Oh. Well, hello. And goodbye. I have a terrible hangover."

Jack cocked his head. "Is that so?"

"Yes, it is, and… wait, why are you sitting on my windowsill?"

"'Cause the maid wouldn't let me in."

"Oh." Norrington's brow furrowed as his hazy train of thought went something like this: _Sparrow. Sitting. Windowsill. Hello… No, something is wrong there. Windowsill? Maid won't let in. Something is still wrong. Sitting? No. Sparrow? Sparrow… SPARROW???_

"You are under arrest, Sparrow!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Captain! Captain Sparrow! And you keep your irons in your study? That's odd, most men I know keep em in the bedroom…"

Study. Irons. Irons are manacles. Manacles… Manacles are needed to arrest. Manacles in study? No, that's not right.

"Just sit tight, and I'll go fetch some from the drawing room."

Jack Sparrow burst out laughing.

Loud.

"Stop, please."

"Listen, Commodore, I just came by to see how you were. After Elizabeth… err…"

"Well now you see. I'm just dandy."

"I want you to know, I really was rootin' fer you, mate. Wasn't just sayin that."

"I'm not your 'mate', Sparrow. And frankly, I don't care." Norrington stumbled his way over to his liquor cabinet and opened it. He could see Sparrow's mouth dropping open in his mind's eye, and a smile twitched at his lips. "Yes, the good Commodore drinks. Good day, Sparrow." He selected the largest bottle of rum he had, and plunked down at his desk.

Jack didn't budge. "So that's it, then? You're just gonna drink yerself into oblivion?"

"That is the plan, yes."

"Givin her up without a fight? That's not the Commodore I know."

Norrington shot him a glare. "What should I do?"

"Win her back, o'course!"

"I thought I tried that already."

"Try harder! Yer an educated man, think o somethin! Somethin… complicated."

"Umm…" Norrington sighed. "Like what? How does one win a woman?"

Jack shook his head. "By makin em jealous, mate."

"Jealous?" Then, a plan hit him harder than an abusive father. "Of course! I make Elizabeth jealous by pretending to be engaged to another woman!"

"Brilliant, Commodore-luv."

"But who..? I don't know any women… except for my sister, but I doubt she'd work…"

"Oh, leave that ter me, Commodore. I have the perfect lass."

Norrington quirked an eyebrow. "…I'm still arresting you, Sparrow."

"CAPTIAN Sparrow. And I don't think ye should be arrestin me just yet, Norry-darlin. I have a lass fer ya. Beautiful, smart, funny… in a way. She'll work fine."

"I have a bad feeling about this."


	2. The Lady

"The way I hear it, she's thinking of wearing her black!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Widow or not, if she's going to be wearing black, she might as well not come at all! But it is so funny, Governor Swann holding this huge party for his daughter's marriage to a blacksmith!"

"Oh yes! If I were her father, she'd be out on the street by now! Hmph. Blacksmith indeed. The good Commodore won't be pleased."

"What? What's this about the Commodore?"

"Well, according to what I heard from Isabella Groves, the Commodore has received an invitation."

"Fancy that! Is he going?"

"We'll just have to wait and see." A sip of tea. "You know, I don't care much for that Isabella Groves."

"Me neither. Such a frightful gossip."

Commodore James Norrington was pacing his office in Fort Charles, lost in his thoughts. A knock at his door made his jump.

"Come in."

Groves poked his head around the door and nodded. "You wished to see me, sir?"

"Yes, sit down, Groves."

Norrington proceeded to explain everything that had occurred in his study that morning, and his plan to woo Elizabeth away from Will.

"And you came up with this plan while you were drunk, sir?"

"I wasn't drunk, Groves! I might have had a slight hangover, but I was not drunk!"

"…And you were seeing pirates at your window."

"I WASN'T DRUNK! Now, I am asking you if I am going about this the right way."

"Wooing the woman who obviously doesn't love you by pretending to be engaged to another woman, which was handpicked by a drunken pirate that conveniently appeared at your study window this morning after a night of drowning your sorrows in brandy?" Groves gasped for breath.

"…Yes, that sounds about right."

"Well, I think it's wonderfully exciting, sir!"

"You think it's a GOOD idea?"

"It is brilliant, sir! Absolutely brilliant! Oh, I cannot wait to meet the lady!"

"Knowing Sparrow, she should be one of ill-repute."

"Knock-knock?" Groves and Norrington turned to see Jack Sparrow sitting on the windowsill of Norrington's office.

"I TOLD you." Norrington scowled. Groves stared.

"Hello again, Commodore. Lieutenant. I just dropped by to give ye yer lovely lass, savvy?"

"Savvy?" Groves turned questioningly to Norrington.

"Savvy." Norrington sighed.

"May I present… ouch! Easy on the goods, darlin."

A shout from outside the window. "Jack, I'm gonna get ye fer this if it's the last ting I do!"

"Ahem. May I present… Anamaria." With a flourish, he practically threw a young woman with creamy dark skin and mocha eyes into Norrington's office.

Norrington blinked and turned. "Well, maybe I can just resign myself to remaining a bachelor for the rest of my days…"

"Sir, you can't go back now! Besides, you should escort her to the Governor's party tomorrow. It would be perfect! Good afternoon, Miss… Pirate." Groves gallantly extended his hand and attempted to help Anamaria up off the floor. She batted it away with a glare and stood. Groves smiled, reflecting that this would be a good story to tell his wife later.

"I don't need none o' ye Navy idiots helping me with anythin, 'cept maybe killin Jack!"

"Oh come now, Anamaria… you know that the good Commodore, in exchange for yer help, is gonna give ye clemency and all…"

"He is?" Anamaria turned to Groves.

"You are?" Groves turned to Norrington.

"I am?" Norrington shot an angry look at Jack, who raised his eyebrows. "I mean, I am."

Jack smiled. "Well, I'm feelin very good about all this. Ta!" With that, he disappeared from the window. Groves raised an eyebrow.

"That has got to be the best pirate I've ever seen."

"We know, Groves." Norrington rolled his eyes. "Now, what am I going to do with Her?"

"Me name is Anamaria, not 'Her'."

"Do you think Gillette could keep Her at his home for me? Hmm…Probably not." Norrington answered his own question. "Gillette doesn't like pirates or prostitutes."

"I'm right here, ya know." Anamaria scowled.

"Oh, She'd be fine with just a bath and some proper clothes, sir." Groves smiled kindly at Anamaria. "I think Isabella and I could take Her in for you. Just wait, by tomorrow She'll look like a real woman."

Anamaria let out a string of profanities.

"Of course, we'll have to clean up her speech a bit…"


End file.
